Of Threats, Alerts & Everyday Madness

Sometimes you need a crisis to kickstart your slumbering personal blog and I've lately been having an incessantly insistent itch, among anxiety, disbelief and other obvious shocking reactions (I'll get into this in a bit). For the first five days, I brushed off my urge to scratch it, thinking it'd go away if I focus elsewhere. But then it started to feel like a dozen ants brought in their kin to party under my skin (ooh that rhymes - should I write a poem at this point?). And that's when it dawned on me, there's only one solution... and that is, to run to my old, worn journal and spill it all. 

So, here I am! And a teeny warning - this might be a tad longer than my usual ones. 

So, ten days ago, had someone asked my what my top concern in life was, I'd just probably have said one of the three - 

a. being stuck in a creative slump

b.  not finding enough time for me-time (and we-time/V-time; yes, Mr V, I know you're reading this :P) or

c.  the never-ending guilt of not being the most understanding mom I can be to my child (mom buds, I feel ya)

Living in this part of the world, I'd never in my runaway dreams imagined stating "back to back missile threats" as my top concern but boy, how things have gone topsy-turvy in the wildest way possible in the last week. Here are exactly the thoughts that have lived rent-free in my head for the last 9 days, in no particular order, because my mind is cluttered like that, yo:

1. Nobody deserves to live in fear

And I mean, absolutely nobody. Not even the most inhumane bunch of people on the face of this planet. The fear I've experienced in the last few days easily surpasses what I'd felt during Covid and my postpartum era. In my case, both periods overlapped so you could imagine the intensity. 

I wasn't sure what I was fearing more - the fact that things go south and my homeland gets destroyed, the feeling of losing my mind in front of my kid and making him aware of the unprecedented situations or creeping into bed and worrying if another loud boom in the sky or a warning message on our phones would panic wake us from our sleep. 

2. Keeping up with news has never been more draining

Explosions here, fire there, shrapnel in this area and what not! My thumb has literally pleaded me for some respite after hours of swiping up to refresh my feed to stay on top of everything. Being on reddit groups that posted minute-by-minute updates on where interceptions were heard slowly turned from a self-reassuring scroll to panic-attack inducing activity. My head would go "Oh, loud booms were heard in Abu Dhabi. Is Dubai going to be next?" Which didn't really make sense because later I discovered that, thanks to the UAE's tiered missile defense systems, interception booms can be heard even 100 km away from where it occurs. 

Oh, and don't even get me started on the Indian media, which has been nothing less than a circus in terms of conveying what is actually happening in the country. Unverified news, fear mongering reporting with a modulation that pierces your eardrum, decades-old clippings from other parts of the world - you name it, they've delivered it. 

3. The big fat distance learning agony

Some days I wasn't even sure if it was the whole war situation or my son's online classes that gave me more anxiety. Even though only "light revision" was done, getting the kids to focus on an 8-inch shared screen that displayed a deck was a Herculean task. 

And let's not even get into some of my little one's questions at the randomest moments in class such as "Is it okay if I stand upside down for a bit??" or  "Is my bus nanny also working from home this week?" or even "Can I bring my toy cars and show it to my friends?". Toss in "Ma'am, can I use the restroom?" 8 times a day and voila, I've pretty much summed up an average distance learning day in the life of a 6 year old. 

4. Emergencies like these neatly divide social media into four tribes.

The first kind are the social media regulars who suddenly develop monk-like silence. On most days they post with the enthusiasm of a neighbourhood WhatsApp group admin, but during moments like this, they retreat into quiet observation. They’re still scrolling, probably more than usual, but the posting finger freezes until sunnier days return. 

The second set, usually moderately active, turn into full-time broadcasters during moments like these - sharing updates, resources and info that might help themselves or others. It’s part public service, part coping mechanism.

The third carry on as if their feed exists in a parallel universe - throwbacks, sunsets, brunch pictures, outings - sometimes even shot during the war days, but with the chaos outside the frame politely cropped, 

And finally, the fourth tribe - the ones who were never active to begin with and see absolutely no reason to break that streak now.

All four categories exist within my household. Extra brownie points to anyone who can correctly guess who’s who :D 

5. The days that showed me my OTC

Over the last few days, many of them quietly appeared in my WhatsApp and Instagram DMs, asking if my family and I were safe. Some were my constants, of course, but a few were people I hadn’t spoken to since school or university. And yet their simple “Are you okay?” carried far more weight than they probably realised. Incidentally, there was also silence from a few I hold close. And that, I must admit, surprised me.

As Martin Luther Kind rightly said, "In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." So, lock in those people who reached out to you during these times, offering words of comfort - they are your ride-or-dies for life! And as for those who stayed silent despite being present in every other season of life, be grateful for the clarity this scenario has unfurled.

6. Go on, bore me

There have been times I'd asked the universe to entertain me when I'd been bored. But this is the first time I'm craving to be bored. To go about my routine without being scared of what the day has in store or take a walk without instantly looking up at the sky every time there's noise and wondering "Is that a plane, a jet or a missile?" 

These times have also taught a lot of us to embrace the simple joys of a stroll, listen to birds chirping or get out and gaze at the moon shining a little brighter each night to make up for all the madness in the sky. A change of scenery is something that I've always taken for granted, but today I realise that it's a huge blessing. 

7. Nature gives the best signs

And indeed it does! I remember the first time there was a missile alert on our phones. I looked around to see the birds going cuckoo and whirring frantically. Since then, it's become habitual for me to peer outside and gauge the atmospheric mood. If the birds are calm and chilling at a random balcony across the street, I know things are good. 

Anyway, having said all of this, more than fear or anxiety, another feeling is presently overriding everything else and that is gratitude. Gratitude to this nation for continuing to keep us safe and demonstrating what true leadership looks like by walking among us and being one of u (no, I'm not getting paid to say this unlike some of the fake news circulating). The threats are slowly dropping and I hope that peace and normalcy prevails as soon as possible. I'd wanted to write about how we've been coping all these days but maybe I'll save that for another post.

 So, that's it from my end - toodles and stay safe, y'all!